"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." Who cares to admit complete defeat? Admission of powerlessness is the first step in liberation. Relation of humility to sobriety. Mental obsession plus physical allergy. Why must every A.A. hit bottom? - Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Hello everyone. My name is Tammy, and I am an alcoholic.

I believe my journey to alcoholism began very early in life. In the earlier years, my parents had a membership at a yacht club. Us kids were always running around while our parents got drunk. I remember as a kid, there was some holiday party going on, and my older brother, Chris and I would sneak sips of other peoples drinks. How crazy is that??? Huh. Maybe my first blackout was a lot earlier on then I thought. So, this time period would be up until the middle of fifth grade, when we moved north to Alpena. That was a tough time to move. I had like three or four good friends that I left behind. Sure, we kept in touch for a while, until one day communication just stopped for whatever reason. I'm sure me moving four hours away had a lot to do with it, and later on, my drinking as well. I didn't think I had many blackouts, but as I'm growing and healing, I'm realizing that there is a good number of things that happened in my life while I was in a black out. Either I am remembering on my own or people have been telling me how I wronged them. They help to fill in the missing pieces. I am not the person I am when I drink. I'm peeling like an onion, one layer at a time. My true authentic self is emerging bit by bit.

Fast forward, alcohol became the stitch that held me together. Or so I thought. When in reality, once that stitch unraveled, it released something inside of me that was being held back by my addiction.

For this alcoholic, the tables keep me sober. I need to never forget that again. Like someone said at the tables, "I was drunk before I even took that first drink.". That is how quickly relapse can happen. These tables help keep me humble and never forget that I am powerless over my addictions and that my life had become unmanageable.

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I will revisit this first step in future posts. Thank you for reading. Please stay tuned.

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QT the Dabblerpreneur

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